


lost

by acceptabletwig



Series: elliedina week 2021 [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Day One, ELLIEDINA WEEK, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mid-Canon, One Shot, and then ignores canon, prompt: ache
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:42:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29785950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acceptabletwig/pseuds/acceptabletwig
Summary: Ellie doesn’t feel the aches and pain at first.She’s cold bordering numb at all times.The blinding pain of an arrow in her shoulder, embedded somewhere between her clavicle and scapula, is the first sign of blooming warmth.--prompt: ache, day 1 of elliedina weekSeattle Day 2 one-shot
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: elliedina week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189400
Comments: 16
Kudos: 69





	lost

**Author's Note:**

> Ngl only saw these prompts on tumblr yesterday, so I'll do my best to participate in the week cause they gave me ideas and I think its a good writing exercise. Apologies in advance for late uploads
> 
> Prompts were released on @elliedina-week on tumblr, check them out to find more content from other creators.

Ellie doesn’t feel the aches and pain at first.

She’s cold bordering numb at all times. 

It’s like when she tries to take stock of herself, she gets sent back. Back to the cold tile of the basement floor against her cheek, fear sputtering in her lungs, harsh breath and helpless pleading.

The blinding pain of an arrow in her shoulder, embedded somewhere between her clavicle and scapula, is the first sign of blooming warmth. The ‘scars’ killed mercilessly and left behind like every fucker she’s found so far. 

The pain seems to pulse, to radiate down her right arm, causing her to shift restlessly as she hides in the darkness of the forest, creeps her way through slaughtering each and every scar on her way to the hospital.

Ellie’s hands get shakier as she looms closer, her rage and her pain making her reckless. The chill from the water lingers on her skin, her fingers feel numb as she plunges her knife into another throat. It feels like a contradiction, cold and hot, numbness and pain, loss and fury. Emptiness and need.

She wants so desperately to find Abby and her absence sets her ablaze.

Her pain is indistinguishable from her fury.

Nothing can stop her and nothing does.

She makes Nora talk.

In the end she’s not sure if she killed Nora or left her to die.

The vision of Nora’s mangled head, though tinted red, sends her back to numbness. Cold tiles, harsh breath, helpless pleading. Intrusive flashes of her worst nightmare filling her mind and leaving her breathless.

Ellie staggers from the hospital, barely cognisant of the road in front of her. She doesn’t hear the runner until its upon her, snarling and snapping for her throat. It’s dispatched and she takes several long moments to rise to her feet, rolling her stiff shoulders uncomfortably before continuing. Another careless mistake.

Ellie blinks and she’s there. Hands shaking by her sides as they curl into fists. She gathers whatever pieces of herself remain to knock on the door, like packing ice under her ribs to build herself a spine. She crumbles immediately. She watches her hand shake as she points to the map in front of Dina and Jesse. It feels foreign to her.

There’s blood caked under her fingernails.

She watches Dina take the map from her and hold her hand but she doesn’t feel it.

She’s taken to the back room and its only when she sits in the dim light that the cold seems to seep away. She’s not sure what’s left.

“Arms up,” Dina murmurs, helping Ellie lift her shirt, the fabric sticking in places and stinging.

Dina is quiet, supportive as always and _so quiet_. Her contribution to the silence makes Ellie feel worse somehow.

The only sounds are Ellie’s shaky breath and the dripping of water as Dina wrings out the rag.

It’s cold and it stings, but the warmth of Dina’s hands is grounding.

“I made her talk,” Ellie says breathlessly, gasping at her own admission. Images flash through her mind once more, mangled together, what was done and what she had done.

“It’s okay,” Dina says, her arms curling around Ellie’s shoulders, her cheek resting on Ellie’s shoulder blade.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Ellie whispers, tear pricking at her eyes. She feels weak and defeated. Bloodied and bruised, like a raw nerve with the world on her shoulders.

“Good,” Dina replies softly, kissing the back of her neck.

Ellie’s tired and aching, her body thrumming with a quiet pain. Dina is warm and soft, her fingertips gently running up and down Ellie’s arm.

Dina gives her that moment, extended and peaceful before continuing to wash and treat her wounds.

Ellie’s own words loop in her mind.

_I don’t want to lose you._

_I can’t lose you too._

_If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself._

Her mind unhelpfully spins itself into lyrics. Loss so heavily interwoven with the memory of Joel in her mind.

_If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself._

Images flash again. Joel. Nora. Bloodied and battered, beaten and broken.

Another kiss is pressed to her shoulder. Ellie’s heart aches in her chest.

She flexes her fingers as she stares into her lap, her moments of cruelty replay in her brain and when she tries she can’t recall anything else. The stalkers, the scars, the wolves, Nora and nothing else of the day.

After several extended moments, Jesse comes to mind. _Was that today? Did I find him today?_

Time is confusing, and its only when she counts her sleeps that she remembers she’s only been in Seattle for two days. Two days and she’s lost.

_If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself._

_Am I already lost?_

She doesn’t know if she’s thinking about Joel or Dina now.

_I don’t want to lose you._

If this is her without Joel, then what would be left after Dina.

She raises her head glancing around herself in the empty room.

Dina had disappeared sometime in her reverie.

Ellie’s about to stand when Dina returns, a reassuring smile on her lips. “It’s alright,” she says softly, fresh bandages and her bag in hand. Dina presses a hand to Ellie’s shoulder. The ‘I’m here’ is implicit in the action.

Ellie takes a breath, focusing on Dina more closely than before.

She thinks about that runner on her walk back to the theatre. How close it was. How she could have not returned. Dina would be left waiting, restless and wondering.

Ellie’s stomach twists uncomfortable and she reaches up to place her hand on top of Dina’s.

Dina kisses her shoulder again, squeezing her hand reassuringly before starting to dress the deeper scrape on her back. “Gotta be more careful,” Dina says quietly.

Ellie feels a sense of loss with the removal of Dina’s hand. “I will be,” Ellie says quietly. “I- I’m sorry for today… for yesterday. It was-”

“It was dumb,” Dina shrugs, parroting Ellie’s words back to her as she moves in front of Ellie.

“It was selfish,” Ellie says, eyes flicking up to meet Dina’s with more presence than the other girl expects. “I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other blindly and I wouldn’t have made it this far without you and I called you a burden.”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Dina says, fidgeting with the clean shirt in her hands. “Arms up?”

“I should have apologised sooner though, I just-” Ellie holds her arms up, wiggling as she helps Dina fit the shirt over her head and tug it down her sides. Ellie smiles softly when she recognises it to be Dina’s shirt. “I- I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Dina says, caressing Ellie’s cheek with one hand and tugging her into a soft kiss. “You need to sleep, come on.”

Dina helps Ellie lie back before joining her on the cushioned bench seat. She runs her fingers slowly through the tangles of Ellie’s hair, working through the knots, brushing it from her face and gently scraping her nails over Ellie’s scalp.

Ellie hums, snuggling closer and marvelling at Dina’s gentleness after the violence of her day. She’s not even sure if she can offer the same to Dina, all hard edges and fury. Her mind flashes unhelpful images and she swallows thickly as though she’s trying to push them down.

Ellie’s eyes drift open blearily, meeting Dina’s. She reaches up slowly, hand shaking slightly with the effort, and brushes the back of her fingers against Dina’s soft cheek.

“Have I told you how wonderful you are?” Ellie says quietly.

“I don’t believe you have,” Dina grins jokingly, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. She’s worried. 

“I love you,” Ellie says sincerely.

“I love you too,” Dina murmurs, kissing Ellie’s forehead. “ _Please_ sleep.”

“Mmm,” Ellie hums, burrowing her face in Dina’s neck and a blissfully dreamless sleep overtakes her quicker than she expects.

\--

The next day Ellie wakes beside Dina.

She doesn’t leave Jesse’s side.

They find Tommy and they leave Seattle.

She’s better for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Tumblr: respectablesentiment


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